Monday, August 20, 2012

Just a theory

Last night at ORU we had worship in the prayer gardens. It was a student led meeting to worship and pray for this new school year. It was a great event with hundreds of students and the college president's wife. Alison Rutland shared a story of praying over her bologna sandwich, when God gave her a vision. She spoke of how every moment could be a God moment.
This made me think of my time at DHS. There were things I saw that tore me to pieces, and I would have to go to the restroom or my car and just cry. I would cry for the children and I would cry out to God. Even in a state agency where God is more or less a forbidden topic, I had intimate moments with God as he dealt with my broken heart.
Then there were times I listened to God and amazing things happened. Like when deciding whether or not to stop for gas with a foster kid in the car. Just as I came to a red light and decided to get gas at the next right, I felt I was supposed to be in the left lane. I scooted into the left lane and decided to get gas after dropping the child off. Just as I got out of the right lane and was waiting impatiently for the light to turn green, a semi came screeching up in the right lane. His brakes were not working right, and he was struggling to stop. It hit the car in front, but had stopped in time to only leave a dent in the rear fender. As the two drivers popped their heads out their windows and began a shouting match, I realized that the only reason no one was hurt in the collision, is because the semi had the extra 10 feet of stopping space. I looked at the damage to the back of the car hit, and the dent in the front of the semi, then looked to the back seat of the car I was driving. I saw the precious baby girl, who had already had an unimaginably hard life in her 3 years, staring curiously at the two shouting men, and knew that if I had stayed in the right lane, her life would have ended, as our car would have been crushed.
There was another time I was going to pick up a little boy, and take him to an appointment. Before I left the office, I had been warned by his social worker, several DHS staff, and both his foster parents called to warn me, that he had severe separation and stranger anxiety, so be prepared for him to panic, hit, scream, and fight me. When I got inside the foster home he saw me and started crying. Right then I started silently praying for God to bring him peace. His foster mom then handed me his diaper bag, and picked him up to hand to me. When she approached me with the 18 month old, he wailed dramatically, but reached out his hands for me. When he was in my arms, I continued to silently pray for peace, his crying stopped. His foster mom seemed surprised that he was so content. She asked if that meant I had worked with him before(I had not). By the time we got to the car, he was giggling. When we drove down the road, he mumbled along to the songs I sang for him. When we got to his destination, the receptionist said this was the first time she had seem him not crying. I handed the child to the family therapist, and he said the boy had never gone into his arms without a struggle before. As I turned to walk away, I said bye to the boy, and he smiled and waved, "Bye".
I could ramble on with stories of way more intense things that happened than these stories, but I tell these stories for a purpose. This morning I chatted briefly with a friend about the worship night, the night before. He said to me, "It just doesn't feel like the anointing got to set in last night. I didn't fully feel God there."
I didn't have the chance to ask him, but I wanted to know, what qualifies as God really being there?! You didn't feel God there...why not?
All of these thoughts fill my head, not just on what this particular friend said, but on memories of numerous people saying the same thing. I want to shake them and say, "God is not a feeling." I think music naturally has an emotional effect on people. I can get more emotional singing a country song, "Sarabeth was scared to death cause the doctor just told her the news" than any given Sunday singing, "Yaweah holy holy." Because someone went to a service, where the music wasn't that great, or the sermon was somewhat boring, doesn't mean the spirit of God was not there.
For me it doesn't take having an emotional experience to know God is there. God is in every moment of the is up to me seeing his moving. I did not have goose bumps all over me, or break out in tongues when I heard the little guy start crying. I did not hear some great revelation from the sky saying, "Thus sayeth the Lord, Ye shalt go to the left lane!" It was small, everyday, normal actions at work; but I most definitely consider them amazing God moments.
My theory is that God is moving in every action through out our day. We just don't have the wisdom or attention span to always see it. It is a lack of us noticing it, not a lack of us calling him in. Worship can have a huge emotional impact on our God experience, but again, I think the times we do see miracles happening in a worship service, it has more to do with the individual taking more time to look for that healing. For me, worship is not the time of day to serve God, it is the time of day to thank God for all he has done. The rest of the day is when the serving really happens. I was serving God by changing lanes and sparing that girls life. I was serving God when praying for peace, when the boy had not had others pray for him.
It seems to me lots of people live with the theory of needing to ask God to come to them. With that theory, they only think to ask for him to come once or twice a week during worship services when our emotions are telling us to call on God. God will draw near to those who call on him, but I'd rather walk with him through out everyday, rather than ask him to come near twice a week, and then be disappointed when I don't get into the right mood. I follow his voice when he gives direction, even sometimes with out realizing he is speaking, like how I thought I was just changing my mind on when to get gas. I could have left my thoughts as, "Oh boy, good thing I wasn't in that lane." But I chose to look for God, and knew, "Wow, if it had been up to me, I would have been in that lane."
This is why I was not disappointed with the worship service last night. Because I have a deep inner knowledge that God is with me, and I chose to see him last night. As the bible says, not just at worship services, but "In ALL your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight."
These are just the thoughts running through my head, and I may end up disagreeing with myself in the future. But I am curious what others would say about this. If you disagree, well then I hope you'll at least enjoy some pictures from my week :)

1 comment:

  1. Awesome! There are many people older than you who never understand what you already do. Keep up the good work. that is exactly how it works. good job, Anna!